5,000 Great One Liners

The funniest, wittiest and most cutting one line jokes from around the world, collected together in one immaculate collection! Including: The wife said last night "I think we'd have less arguments if you weren't so pedantic". I said "Don't you mean 'fewer'?" Some b*stard has nicked my thesaurus. I'm at a loss for words. I'll never forget the words my Grandad said before he kicked the bucket. He said "Son, watch how far I can kick this bucket." My dad always used to say "He who smelt it dealt it", which is why he lost his job with British Gas. The key to any marriage is spontaneity. You've got to be ready to leave at any time. Here's my gym schedule: Monday, cardio. Tuesday, weights. Wednesday, 7 mile bike ride. Thursday, 15 year break. Repeat. I was just in the post offi ce and the clerk said "What's your street name?" I said "I don't have one, people just call me Barry."